i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
