google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
