I think I died a long time ago.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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