I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
