if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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