Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
