Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
They should really pass out barf bags in church
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
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You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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