I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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