you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
