i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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