people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
