I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
