Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
