apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
