id be glad to
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dick very happy bro
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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