Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
