I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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