He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
