Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
