Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
