he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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