Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
