just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
