i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
