I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
