my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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