When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
