We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
