There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize