Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so let's talk penis.
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i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.