I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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