Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
