Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
