you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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