new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
