dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
