it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
