what day is it and did you see me today?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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