I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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