the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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