An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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