Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize