This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was born a porn star she said
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
