He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
