My room smells like vodka and shame
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
