So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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