6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
