Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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