he puts the penis in happiness.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
