um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
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I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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