Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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