I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
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