When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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