got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
