I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
