If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
