if i can run in heels then i can drive
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
