Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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