Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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