Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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