there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
The best revenge is premature balding
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize