States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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