so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
