Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
