how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
