STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
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I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday