dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
