toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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