Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
