you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
