if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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