a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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