shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
