He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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