i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
