I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
