i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
