Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
