Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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