none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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