wrigley field is MILF paradise
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i was born a porn star she said
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
