Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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