I cut my penus on the lid.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize