okay pat passed out under dana's car
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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