Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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