what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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