The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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