oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
