We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize