Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
