I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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