I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize